So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
