I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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