She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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