you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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