we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
