So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
