Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Be still, my beating vagina.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
