We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
