i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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