Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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