At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
