Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just saw a hot homeless man
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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