Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize