Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
