I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
