She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
