Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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