i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
