I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
