i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
