I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
