He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
