Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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