I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
All the doctor said was why
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
