You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
