Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
