hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize