I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
