make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
