if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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