I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize