I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize