I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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