we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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