I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
