is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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