I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
