So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm too high and old for this...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
