I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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