I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
