I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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