I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
