It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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