you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
