so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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