How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize