I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just sucked dick on a ferry
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
