you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
