Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
