So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
