you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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