the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
