Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
