please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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