there was a trapeze. enough said
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
