i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Everyone says I win the strip club
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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