On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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