Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
