Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize