I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
