Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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