I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Quick, to the slutcave!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
