oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
