3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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