Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize