nut hugger
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
