I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
