Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
