I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
