I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize