Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
