Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
