Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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