and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I can't turn off my feet"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
