My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
