he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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