Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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