hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize