Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
